Well, I began this blog a few months ago and then life happened. So I hope you'll deal with the fact that this first post isn't actually the first post of the blog.If not, maybe you'll read on anyway.
I'm fresh out of undergrad and heading to law school in the fall. And it's already turning into an adventure. That's what this will be - a chronicle of all the silly adventures I have in my life. Some will be way distant memories, some will be the retelling of recent events, and some will even be true! So sit down, hold on, and get to know me through the slightly-too-ridiculous things that go on in my life.
The story below is entirely true, if a bit long. Read on if you want to commiserate with me in what has so far been a fruitless job search.
So I've just moved in Louisiana from Indiana and am currently trying to find a job. The good news is I would have been hired at a number of places if I were available to work in a true full-time position. But because I am starting law school in the fall, I cannot work past the middle of August. That makes me unattractive as an employee. My fiancee - some nutso chick I was able to convince to come down here with me - already has a job and suggested that I look into a temp agency because that's exactly what I can be for someone: a stopgap. Hey, if it means I can afford some beer and my half of the rent I'll do it. And happily.
Bright and early yesterday morning I shaved and showered in preparation for my application process with the premiere temp service in the area and called them up. I spoke to a nice lady - Miss Rhonda, she said - who instructed me to first fill out the online application. This application was unnecessarily thorough. You don't need to know who my third grade teacher was or if I can juggle to know if you should hire me to shred your business reports for three days. But I answered all of the questions (Miss A and not well, for the record) and called back. Miss Rhonda, having received my application, said "Okay, hon, now we need you to take some evaluation tests. Check your email in a few minutes and follow the directions." Yes, ma'am.
The evaluation tests were nine (9) fifty (50) question quizzes over a variety of office related tasks. The first two were testing my data entry skills, and I have a sneaking suspicion that to test my ability they ACTUALLY had me do some office's data entry. I copied information from a spreadsheet into another field for 10 minutes and received satisfactory scores. Next up were the basic math and vocabulary tests. Simple enough. Maybe 25 minutes had passed and I was feeling pretty confident. OHGOODGUMBO HOW WRONG I WAS.
The final tests were aimed at how knowledgeable I am with various office software programs. And the tests were the most tedious, awful, poorly designed, frustrating, backwards, and arbitrary tests any mortal has ever conceived - and I say that having taken my share of psychology surveys. The typical question showed a screenshot of Microsoft Word on one of its menus and asked "Where would you click if you wanted to complete task X?"
Anyone who has EVER used Microsoft Word should immediately be thinking of two things: 1) There are 14981234734523 ways to complete any particular task X and to ask how to do task X from one menu doesn't offer a high probability of success on the respondent's behalf. 2) Who actually knows how to do anything in Microsoft Word? I just click things until it works and you're full of vile and putrid scum if you say otherwise. You're not impressing anybody.
Having finally completed these tests (I got an 85% on Word, a 90% on Excel, and a 62% on Access - what of it?) I called Miss Rhonda back. "Okay, sweetheart, now we just need to sign you up for your interview. The first availability we have is July 5th at 10:00am." Wait when? You mean there's a three week waiting period and you didn't casually mention this, oh say, prior to my slaying of the Nemean evaluation tests?
July 5th I've got a date with a temp service. In the meantime, I'm going to go send emails to people on craigslist who only want to hire me if I let them use my Social Security Number.
